Before jumping in- just want to say thank you to the regular readers and subscribers. I see you and appreciate you đ ! If you havenât subscribed yet, you can hit the subscribe button below to join the curious lot and share with other curious ones.
What I am thinking about đ€
Dear Curious Lot,
So far, my whole career has been about giving advice. I have been financially and socially incentivized to give âbusiness adviceâ (despite never having run a business myself LOL). I am also a huge fan of peer-learning settings that enable people to share advice based on their experiences. So when I came across arguments against advice, it really challenged me to reevaluate my thoughts on the topic.
Agnes Callard, the author of Aspiration: The Agency of Becoming, wrote a really famous post in 2019 titled: âAgainst Adviceâ. In the article, she expresses her concern over how we often ask for advice from people who have achieved success or gained specific knowledge, especially in the context of public conversations such as podcasts, conferences and social media. Her argument is that advice needs to be very relevant and specific to oneâs experience for it to be useful. Considering that most of these public advice-givers havenât had direct interactions with their audience, Agnes concludes that they have too little context to give valuable advice.
From the article, you can clearly get a sense that Agnes is part of what Iâd call âThe Coaching Campâ. These are people who firmly believe that we all know whatâs best for us. That different things work for different people. Therefore, we should totally refrain from giving people advice and instead, focus on being great listeners while asking the right questions. The preferred response to someone who is seeking advice would be to help them figure out the answer themselves because they probably already know what to do. The advice seeker ultimately just needs a sounding board. Therapists would be the guidance counsellors of the coaching camp.
Although I mostly agree with the coaching camp, I think the conclusion that we shouldnât give advice is throwing the baby out with the bathwater (i have always wanted to use that expression LOL). There are two huge assumptions that are made: i) we always have the complete information needed to tackle the issues that we face and ii) people always take advice as gospel truth and they are incapable of sifting out advice through an appropriate lens1. If we truly believe that people know whatâs best for them, I donât think it hurts to share learnings and let people decide what resonates.
I understand the desire to affirm someoneâs autonomy and ability to figure things out when they seek advice. However, if you can share a few insights that can help save time and painful mistakes, I donât understand why youâd withhold that information. Itâs possible to provide helpful guidance while also not taking away someoneâs independence. Also, if the advice turns out to be irrelevant, thatâs also okay. Sometimes, hearing advice that doesnât resonate can also provide clarity.
Instead of asking people not to receive or give advice, I think we should give people the tools to seek and receive great advice. Advice givers can then be equipped to discern when itâs appropriate to give advice and how to best give it. For instance, in public conversations, I think itâs quite important to provide the context in which the advice has worked. This way, audience members can have enough information to judge whether the advice is relevant to them. Advice seekers, on the other hand, can be empowered to select the right advice-givers and implement the advice thatâs more likely to be valuable for them.
Whatâs the best advice youâve received or come across and what made it really good advice?
Ps: This Havard Business Review article on âThe Art of Giving and Receiving Advice" provides really great tips that are especially relevant for the workplace.
What I am listening to đ§
My friend did a thing đ„ł !! I absolutely enjoyed every single song but my fave was âMiracleâ. I thought the title of the album was really fitting. The music vibe is afro-jazz with a hint of afrobeat, RnB and soul.
Ameno Amapiano Remix (You Wanna Bamba)
Me jamming to this song for the past monthđ.
I heard about this song before I heard it. I would hear people singing the chorus and even received a random history class on it (apparently itâs about gang banging in Nigeria). I only got curious enough to listen to it last month and have had it on repeat ever since. I love the mix of opera, afrobeat and amapiano.
What I am reading đ
Blog post: How People Think by Morgan Housel
I just canât get enough of Morgan Houselâs writing. I have been binging on his articles for the Collaborative Fund. Every single one of them is insightful! I specifically like this blog post because I am always trying to figure out how people think. The post mostly touches on cognitive biases- I topic I really love. Apparently, he doesnât have a writing routine and yet heâs able to churn out so much content. This gives me so much hope because right now my current writing routine consists of having a monthly commitment, lots of procrastination, panic, anxiety and finally writing at an ungodly hour.
Newsletter: Why Ignore My Problems by Elizabeth Filips
I have been following Elizabeth on Youtube for a while now and I really love her content. She makes me feel seen. I recently got to read articles from her newsletter (Strong Opinions, Loosely Held) and would highly recommend subscribing to it. The articles are super short and easily digestible. This article on ignoring my problems deeply resonated with me because I am a firm believer in letting go of negative memories as it literally adds no value to actively replay painful past experiences. Easier said than done though.
Book: Fiona and Jane by Jean Chen Ho
I think am officially on an Asian-migrant-story binge đ. This book follows two Taiwanese-American women who are best friends throughout their childhood into adulthood. The story touches on family, friendship, romantic relationships, racism, sexual identity and many more themes. It was generally an easy read but I sometimes found the time shifts and changes in narrative perspective a bit abrupt and confusing. Overall though, I loved it!
What I am watching đ»
Music Video: Mr Mago Mago by Ajoh
Mr Mago Mago is one of the songs from Ajohâs Miracle and yeww!!! đ Iâll just let you watch.
Dance video: Paris Cav Choreography (Icon by Jaden Smith)
A mix of ballet and hip-hop dancing. Itâs so beautiful and flowy. They pay so much attention to detail and the arrangements are mind-blowing.
Series: Super Pumped- The Battle for Uber
I watched this series about Uber in one sitting. It felt so realistic, especially keeping in mind that the African start-up ecosystem has also recently had a number of exposĂ©s. I thought I wouldnât be shocked by the turn of events because I have seen/heard it all. Shock on me đ€Ż ! It really got me thinking about the nature of hyper-growth startup founders and the cultures they build. Maybe Iâll write about it one day.
Comment by Taimur Abdaal from a slack conversation